Ginger Nuts of Horror
Part of the fun of watching a horror film is that you inevitably feel like you're in some degree of danger. You're not, of course, but to some extent you're usually placing yourself in the shoes of the protagonist who's looking to fend off whatever villain is at play.
But how would you actually do against some of the genre's most notorious villains? We'll never really know, and that's probably a good thing. But just for fun, here are 10 such characters and your survival odds (as estimated by this writer) against each one. Be warned: most of these odds aren't too good.
10. Count Dracula - 10/1
Count Dracula has lost some lustre over the years, but he makes the list simply because he's been around for so long. As mentioned here, the first known adaptation of the Bram Stoker novel came out in 1922 (Nosferatu), though Dracula was referred to then as Count Orlok because of contract issues. At any rate, he's one of the longest-running bad guys in film, and the foundation for all the modern vampire villains we see today. If he wants you dead, you're dead; but then, some of the older depictions looked a little slow and weak compared to modern villains, so perhaps you'd have a tiny chance.
9. Samara Morgan - 12/1
She may not be the most popular choice among hardcore horror fans, but the spooky little girl from The Ring always seemed weirdly impossible to evade or defeat. Then again, you could just not watch the video...
8. Leatherface - 15/1
Leatherface is pure brutality, and the only mainstream character to really embody the concept of a chainsaw killer. Frankly, his history in film and his extremely high kill count make him seem a little worse than he actually is though. By comparison to some other heroes on this list, he seems a little more mortal. You might be able to run away.
7. Invisible Man - 20/1
This is a shoutout to the 1933 film Invisible Man, which really ought to get a remake. It's the tale of a mad scientist who figures out invisibility but becomes psychotic with bloodlust as a result, and it's just a great horror concept. And it actually has a minor presence in modern entertainment, with this site including a posting for an online game based on the film. The game in question is a slot reel that trivialises the film to some extent (thought the creepy atmosphere is pretty satisfying), but this actual character is terrifying. Watch the film and you'll understand the relatively low odds of survival.
6. Candyman - 30/1
I can't do any better than the description for Candyman posted at this list of horror villains with the highest kill counts: "immortal killer who's been around for centuries and can teleport, has super powers and has an army of bees under his control." Frankly, the bees just seem like overkill. Either way, good luck with this guy.
5. Pinhead - 50/1
Pinhead's a bizarre villain in that throughout the Hellraiser films he didn't always seem entirely invested in his own evil. At times, it's almost like he was just fulfilling a duty to be evil, rather than enjoying the role. But that kind of only made him scarier. Your only chance: I always wondered about just whacking his face pins with a baseball bat...
4. Freddy Krueger - 300/1
From this point on, we're in legendary territory. The odds haven't been good against any of these guys, but these final four are bringing out the invincibility big guns. Needless to say, Krueger targets you in your sleep, where you're pretty much at his (non-existent) mercy. I suppose if you caught him while awake you'd have a prayer, but that's just not likely.
3. Jigsaw - 500/1
To escape the clutches of Jigsaw you'd pretty much have to outwit him, and several Saw films have supplied evidence that that just isn't going to happen. The fact that Jigsaw toys with his victims psychologically by offering them chances to escape only makes his ultimate triumph seem more inevitable. This guy's so firmly in control he can pretend to give you a chance and not worry about it.
2. Michael Myers - 1000/1
Michael Myers actually earned the top slot in this article about the best horror film villains, and with good reason. In terms of pure physical confrontation, he might seem a little easier to overcome than most of the other characters on this list. But the Halloween films depict Myers as all but unkillable thanks to his horrifying, calm, and methodical approach to serial murder.
1. Jason Voorhees - 10,000/1
Was there any doubt who would top this list? Jason topped the aforementioned rankings of the highest kill counts among horror villains, and he is the only one of the bunch who appears to be utterly invulnerable. It's just not happening. Sorry.